In a time filled with so many unknowns, putting together a joy-filled celebration can seem especially tough. I wanted to find out how women were making the best of it—for themselves, for their loved ones.
So I gathered stories from 10 women I greatly admire, from Paris to Philadelphia to L.A, on how they celebrated birthdays over the past two months.
My hope is that their stories will bring you a bit of hope—and give you a few ideas on how you can make those celebratory moments in quarantine just as magical (maybe even more so) than you imagined.
On getting dressed up (and not doing dishes):
“I’m staying at my boyfriend's apartment in Park Slope and we’re having a little trial run to see what it would be like to live together. My birthday fell on the weekend so it was nice to have the entire day to celebrate and relax. I went for a long bike ride, ate so much food and drank a lot of wine. My love language is food, so he cooked for me all day (and cleaned all the dishes, what a guy!). My mom shipped me cheese and other goodies from my favorite cheese shop in California. I decided to wear this crazy ’80s hot-pink jumpsuit with coordinated pink eyeshadow. It was the first time I'd worn makeup or dressed up in weeks, so it was fun to wear something other than borrowed boxers and an oversized t-shirt.
I didn't feel super sad about not being able to have a proper celebration. To me, there’s no right or wrong way to celebrate your birthday, regardless of quarantine. Do whatever makes you feel happy—in whatever form that takes, whether it’s taking a bath, making pancakes or binging Love Island.”
—Lindsey, Brooklyn
On the beauty of a recycled birthday gift:
“Where we live in France it’s not too popular to have kids’ birthdays outside of the home. For my daughter Estée’s third birthday, I was dreading the idea of having 15 2- and 3-year-olds running around with chocolate cake in our new apartment. Being at home kept me from having to plan something big or spend an exorbitant amount of money. She loves Peppa the Pig, so I got Peppa the Pig decorations for her ahead of time: plates, a tablecloth, napkins. She got to wear her dress-like pajamas all day. We unveiled a bike for her, which my 6-year-old son had donated. He and my husband painted it rose gold and covered it in Peppa the Pig stickers.
I had given our families a calendar reminder and was hoping that everybody, especially my parents, would figure out how to use Google Hangout and then my parents were the first to sign on! The time difference definitely confused our cousins in New York: Why does Estée get cake for breakfast? I think she thought it was her birthday for a good month... I think she still thinks it’s her birthday!”
—Rachel, Paris
On doing something good for someone else:
“Last month I created a GoFundMe for No Kid Hungry, which benefits kids who aren’t getting meals now because of schools being closing. For each donation, I promised I would sing a song [editor’s note: Wanyi has the most stunning voice!] or do a makeup tutorial. Someone asked for a Kate Moss smokey eye, so, on my birthday, I spent the day making a tutorial for her. She donated $30 and she liked the tutorial so much that she donated another $30! It was so fun and rewarding. It felt right.
At the end of the night, I was supposed to FaceTime with my friend Jenn with a glass of wine, so I went and bought a bottle—but I was running late. She told me to hurry up and that she was about to fall asleep if I didn't get online soon. So I scrambled and logged into Zoom and there were eight of my friends dressed up as me! And they all used my picture as their Zoom background. It was the sweetest thing—I felt so loved. I'm so grateful for them. Each year I feel like I have to impress others and myself by doing something "outside" and "fun" and "cool," but there was no pressure this year. It was just me helping someone else who helped out someone else. And it was a gathering of my favorite people in one virtual place. Best birthday ever.”
—Wanyi, New York City
On the gift of alone time as a parent:
“Since we couldn't go out together to celebrate my birthday (we usually would’ve gotten a babysitter for a few hours so my husband and I could go to brunch), he gave me the gift of free time while he watched the kids. I was able to sleep in, take my time getting ready and get a latte from my favorite coffee shop. He had fresh flowers delivered, too, which brightened my day. I think a lot of parents with little kids appreciate free or alone time, so if your partner can handle the kids for a few hours while you get to chill kid-free, that's a big deal!”
—Jessica, Los Angeles
On birthday self-portraits & making a 12-year wedding anniversary special:
“My birthday and wedding anniversary are exactly a week apart. On our anniversary, we had fun telling our kids about our wedding, showing them pictures and telling them how Matt and I met. Now that they’re a little bit older—7, 5 and 3—they can grasp that. I also tried on my wedding dress. It’s fun to look back and be like, Oh, this is what it felt like to wear it.
For my birthday, I took a few self-portraits. (I’m a wedding photographer.) I wanted to feel pretty, and I wanted to have fun! I let the kids put on their bathing suits, pretended we’re on spring break and I took portraits of them, too. I was grateful just to be with my family and have everybody together. It’s easy to get distracted and sucked into the negative thoughts that come up around everything that’s happening. And at the same time, I think there’s already so much that we do have around us to be grateful for, once we’re forced to just be there at home and see it.”
—Mary, Saranac Lake, NY
On hosting a virtual pool party:
“I’ve been quarantining on my own since March 15. I'm a very social and naturally happy person, and I definitely wanted to have some kind of celebration—COVID wasn't going to stop me! So I decided to have a pool party. I sent out Paperless Post invites with a Zoom video code and asked everyone to come in swimsuits. I did several outfit changes and drank wine from a coconut-shaped glass. My friends also brought it. (They're the best!) Mostly everyone dressed the part and put up pool backgrounds on their Zoom. One couple I'm close friends with inflated a pool in their living room and accessorized with a parasol and floaties! It was a riot. When everyone logged in, I asked them to share their favorite memory of us together, which was so funny and special. I wrote on my invite, ‘Just because we're stuck inside doesn't mean we have to party like it!’ I think you have to approach it that way—just because we're socially distant, doesn't mean you can't still have fun.”
—Christine, Brooklyn
On making it feel like “your day”:
“I’m sheltering out on Long Island, where I grew up, with my brother, sister-in-law and baby nephew. I’m helping to babysit my nephew and teaching music classes for 6th graders digitally. I always love my birthday, and even though I knew it was going to be different, I tried to make sure I did things that I would enjoy. I signed up for a virtual yoga class in the morning, treated myself to a hair mask and wore something comfy that I also felt good in. My brother and sister-in-law ordered a cake from a local bakery and I got to choose where we were ordering takeout.
Later in the evening, my best friend put together a game over Zoom that was like "Know Your Boo" from Parks and Recreation, where a bunch of my friends had to answer questions about me. It was fun—and hard! Even I had to do some deep thinking about the answers. I think sometimes we put too much expectations on birthdays (myself included). It’s totally fine to not 'feel' it this year. In the end, it's your day. I say do whatever’s going to make you feel most like you.”
—Kate, Long Island, NY
On reveling in quiet time together:
“For our son, Remi, who turned 1, we spent the day really focusing on him and just enjoying our time together. In the evening, my brother, his wife and my nephew came over (they live next door, so they’re part of our quarantine “circle”) and we made homemade pizzas and strawberry shortcake for dessert. It was quiet and very special. For Vera, who turned 3, we took a long neighborhood walk and she went on her Strider bike, which she is getting so much better at during this time. When we got home she said, "That was so nice!" We realized in that moment she didn't really care that we weren’t having a big birthday party and that just being with her was the gift. In the evening our circle came over and we had mac and cheese and chocolate cupcakes with frosting (her request!).
I think the simplicity of both days and the fact that my attention was fully on both of them, versus entertaining all of these smaller parties we had originally planned, was the best part. It really felt like I had the whole day to watch them, play with them and reflect on their births and the year that has passed. It wasn't so much any particular moment, but the general feeling of both days that I won't ever forget—an overall peacefulness. Usually we're cleaning our house before we host a party and our minds are being pulled all over the place. This year, we just got to be present completely. We always think they'll be so sad they’re missing out on something, but turns out our love, attention, fresh air, some cookies and lots of 'happy birthday wishes was way more than enough!”
—Christina, Buffalo, NY
On focusing on gratitude:
“I’m living in an apartment by my college campus, where I moved late last summer. On my birthday, I set aside time to celebrate during the first half of the day since I had to study for an exam I had the next day. I made breakfast, did yoga, put on a dress that made me feel confident and went outside to enjoy the weather. My family ordered my favorite food to be delivered and we had lunch together over FaceTime. I felt so loved. I only really wished I could hug them, especially my mom, who brought me into this world! Whether you’re quarantining on your own or with family for your birthday, I think it’s important to take time to acknowledge and appreciate the day you were born and remind yourself of what you’re grateful for. It’s okay to have a low-key celebration. Be kind to yourself.”
—Betty, Philadelphia
On keeping a positive perspective:
“I live at home with my parents and my sister, so I was excited to have a nice day spending time with them, nothing crazy. I woke up that morning to the sweetest surprise. My family had decorated the house with lots of balloons. They handmade me a card and got me my favorite candy (Reese’s Eggs!) and some puzzles. My sister made me a DIY birthday photo booth using a clothing rack, sheets and homemade decorations, which was so cute and thoughtful. Throughout the day, I FaceTimed with some of my closest friends, which made the day feel even more special. For dinner, my mom made spaghetti and meatballs (my favorite!), and my sister and I made cupcakes for dessert.
Life is all about our perspectives. We’re dealing with an incredibly unfortunate situation and we’re constantly surrounded by horrible and upsetting news. We have the opportunity to choose how we’re going to see things though—we can focus on all the bad things or we can look for the positives and find small joys in life.”
—Shannon, Long Island, NY
Thank you so much to Lindsey, Rachel, Wanyi, Jess, Mary, Christine, Kate, Christina, Betty and Shannon for taking part in this story. 💗
It’s often during incredibly challenging times like these that we realize it’s the simplest things that bring us joy, like chats with loved ones, delicious food, long walks and being surrounded by our favorite things. Sending you some of that simple magic today and the rest of this week!
Heather xoxo